The Likelihood of Happiness, Heartache

For RJH

I work out facts and figures, the likelihood of happiness, heartache, each on an actuarial table with signs and symbols previously unknown to me.

I invent formulae of such complexity the variables become unmanageable, publish them in obscure journals in languages I do not speak.

I have no reason for hope, but it burns bright out of cracks and fissures from a poorly repaired heart.

It is the first time I wake to think of you, the first time I think of you and laugh, and wonder if you would laugh to know.